Phone rings brrrrr .. it is M telling H has gotten engaged.. hmmm that's hardly a news though since he was seeing someone for almost 3 years.. is that a news i say.. arree!! he is getting married to someone else. someone his mother chose.. Now that is a news .. i had all my eyes and ears ( just to rhyme). apparently the the one he was seeing belonged to a different caste and community and H's mother asked him to choose between them and her.. Interesting!! huh
two days down that i meet H's mother and she justifies" see what children make us do and give us after all the nights we woke up for them changing and washing nappies" hmmm even more interesting..
inference from the two conversations..don't think that nappy changing service comes cheap.. you may have to abandon the one you chose to pay the bill...
whoever's thinking i am joking needs to be reminded of the harsh reality of the time.
While being a mother to a toddler myself i sometimes ask this question if i can ever claim over his life and decisions just because i have to wake up nights to change nappies or warm milk bottles. can i??? do i have the right to make him like what i like, wear what i like , study what i like just because biologically he was made from my body cell( egg to be precise)...
And then i meet R from the second floor and i inquire about her job in the times of recession. To my surprise i am informed that she has left that job since her mother feels that she needs to spend some quality time at home learning cooking while they look for a suitable groom for her.. hmmm quite interesting.. i probe further asking if she is happy to do that.. " didn't have a choice didi, you have to listen to your parents . afterall they have given you birth" that might have qualified for an oscar speech in case they incluede a category for best child.. or may be for an audition of a K serial..
at least i have something to look forward to once i finish the nappy chores.. i can think of ways to get my dues for the job :)
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Saturday, April 11, 2009
the big fat indian wedding
The status on my facebook account gives away the frustration. it asks where do we stand , are we western enough or just caught between times.. Or may be i call it tale of two times..
TWO TIMES..yes of course one is the current times of facebook & blogs, of pubs and pub hopping women toasting for pink chaddi campaigns( that is another story that i also belong to that genre) , of the talks about liberation, gender equality, women empowerment and blah blah... And the other times of our parents and the lound aunt in handloom sari who would write a matrimonial ad for you proclaiming you as fair, homely, convent educated ,decent girl with family values... ahem...
well honestly we, at least this middle generation is walking a tight rope between these two vastly different worlds. Trying to say shut up to mom or aunt can get you emotionally blackmailed( read emotional attyachaar) and choosing to be as described by them in the matrimonial space is like a scary dream.. and around the same time you visit this wedding of your convent educated , sweet, homely decent friend in this five star ballroom full of thousand people commenting on the brides dress or makeup with expensive food in their mouth... horryfying.. isn't it
i am sure a lot of people in my age bracket would connect to this incident and must have encountered one very recently.. so the question remains still... where are we? are we really what we potray or rather i should rephrase this question.. can we be what we potray... can we be truely liberated people we want to be without having to face the emotional or social attyaachar... hmmm... answer depends on your location.. yes funny it may sound but may be a handfull of people from the metros can claim to be able to pull that .. but mostly others would say they want to but haven't been able to...
so despite a convent school, a professional college and great job at multi national we would succumb to the scrutiny by a group of over dressed people commenting on your dress while sipping the soup and adjusting salt.. where baraati's would still be treated with great care and even you otherwise understanding spouce would not find anything odd at his aunt's comment about your choice of footwear... the huge bill will always be footed by your very humble parents and after all the running around of months one would overhear a suit clad uncleji making a final statement" khana to khannaji ke yahan better thaa"
proud to be an indian........
TWO TIMES..yes of course one is the current times of facebook & blogs, of pubs and pub hopping women toasting for pink chaddi campaigns( that is another story that i also belong to that genre) , of the talks about liberation, gender equality, women empowerment and blah blah... And the other times of our parents and the lound aunt in handloom sari who would write a matrimonial ad for you proclaiming you as fair, homely, convent educated ,decent girl with family values... ahem...
well honestly we, at least this middle generation is walking a tight rope between these two vastly different worlds. Trying to say shut up to mom or aunt can get you emotionally blackmailed( read emotional attyachaar) and choosing to be as described by them in the matrimonial space is like a scary dream.. and around the same time you visit this wedding of your convent educated , sweet, homely decent friend in this five star ballroom full of thousand people commenting on the brides dress or makeup with expensive food in their mouth... horryfying.. isn't it
i am sure a lot of people in my age bracket would connect to this incident and must have encountered one very recently.. so the question remains still... where are we? are we really what we potray or rather i should rephrase this question.. can we be what we potray... can we be truely liberated people we want to be without having to face the emotional or social attyaachar... hmmm... answer depends on your location.. yes funny it may sound but may be a handfull of people from the metros can claim to be able to pull that .. but mostly others would say they want to but haven't been able to...
so despite a convent school, a professional college and great job at multi national we would succumb to the scrutiny by a group of over dressed people commenting on your dress while sipping the soup and adjusting salt.. where baraati's would still be treated with great care and even you otherwise understanding spouce would not find anything odd at his aunt's comment about your choice of footwear... the huge bill will always be footed by your very humble parents and after all the running around of months one would overhear a suit clad uncleji making a final statement" khana to khannaji ke yahan better thaa"
proud to be an indian........
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