evolution of species part I

as humans we evolve.. unfortunately that means we no more connect to the very same people we loved dearly at some point in past.. what is it that creates a void between relationships???. or is that void imaginary.

i guess the real factor is the fact that we change and so do our expectations and view points..

as a 5 year old the school ground is a huge vast space so big that it would contain all games and imaginations.. years later when seen with grown up point of view suddenly the same ground has shrunk.. in some cases it does literally,with new blocks that have suddenly sprung like a weed..

in a lot of ways relationships are like the good old school ground.. as we grow they cannot fit in our huge expectations and sometimes egos.. egos that have sprung up like new blocks ..they unable to handle the new additions to the individual lives.. spouses, kids , jobs and other nick nags.

the relationship of a 2 year old with mother.. for whom the whole world is wrapped up in her arms... years later the world of arms has shrunk or rather his world had expanded beyond them and the mother is unable to handle the fact that her boy has actually grown up and may have other places to go to besides her arms.. perhaps this can explains the ever discussed " saas- bahu " feud... the new block ( read wife) is unacceptable to the older block( read mother)..

same applies for friends.. as javed akhtar puts beautifully.. pehle hum waqt nikaal kar milte the, ab milte hain agar phursat hoti hai".. we took out time to meet earlier, now we meet if there is free time..
a childhood friend who was so close to me at one time that life and all plans seemed to begin and end at her.. the same friend now cannot find time to even call when in town for a month.. how strange.. or rather why strange?? we have changed , have new blocks named husbands, jobs, kids, egos and realisation that how different our lives have shaped up..

and the conversation drags into "aur sunao"within minutes of the call.. no common tutions to discuss no common teachers to make fun of and conversation come to a stand still where you have nothing to share.. how strange that we can no more connect.. is the change just because we live in different cities with different lives.. no i guess it is just that like everyone else we have evolved.. unfortunately unlike darvin's theory of selection of the best this evolution has deselected a friendship.. how sad...

the hyper critical's :)

Being in the fashion trade has it's own con's.. one of them is you end up being hyper critical ( unsure if it is a dictionary word :) )... if one happens to be enjoying a quite meal with friends your eyes might be wandering around on someone's ill fitting skirt or miss-match sandals. and worst still a curtain that is not matching to the wall color.. someone would stand up and say" what does a curtain has to do with matching walls"..
fair enough a curtain has absolutely no personal sense of matching yet we would discuss it..
it begins to spiral down further when one starts applying the same logic's to people .. living and breathing one's.. whether his or her opinions match or even worse what did he or she mean by that and whether you can match it to your personal likes or dislikes...

some time back i was sipping coffee with a friend who unlike me was single.. we were discussing men and i asked if being single is her choice... she famously said "it's not that i don't want to , may be i didn't find the right man.."
"babes , there is nothing like a right man in this world .. "i say" or rather there is no permanent mr. right." am i being wise or i am being critical of the male fraternity in general??..
" but things have to match somewhat" she protests..
matching again.. see who was saying there cannot be matching in curtains.. people match humans as well ..
"hmm !! what do you mean by matching??"
she explains " you see all the men i meet are either too smart or downright dumb. one of them even had the courage to come up and ask if i was a virgin"
this is getting interesting .. i nod unapproovingly waiting to hear what she replied
" i asked him if he believed in free sex? he was taken aback and said hell no!!.. so i replied then how much do you charge for it.."
hehe that was real good one..
" looks like i'll have to kiss a lot of frogs before i find my prince charming" she added
well only if i had the cheek to tell her that most prince charming's turn into frogs after wedding kiss.. so i give her one of those" i know what u mean babes" looks while smiling at the imagination of my husband transforming into a frog.. what a weirdo i can be ..gosh!!
and the waiter arrives with our hot coffee and we both say in unison " Who would want mugs printed with red bhandhej pattern.. it just doesn't match !!"
back to matching ... hehe

NAPPY CHANGING TIMES

Phone rings brrrrr .. it is M telling H has gotten engaged.. hmmm that's hardly a news though since he was seeing someone for almost 3 years.. is that a news i say.. arree!! he is getting married to someone else. someone his mother chose.. Now that is a news .. i had all my eyes and ears ( just to rhyme). apparently the the one he was seeing belonged to a different caste and community and H's mother asked him to choose between them and her.. Interesting!! huh
two days down that i meet H's mother and she justifies" see what children make us do and give us after all the nights we woke up for them changing and washing nappies" hmmm even more interesting..
inference from the two conversations..don't think that nappy changing service comes cheap.. you may have to abandon the one you chose to pay the bill...
whoever's thinking i am joking needs to be reminded of the harsh reality of the time.
While being a mother to a toddler myself i sometimes ask this question if i can ever claim over his life and decisions just because i have to wake up nights to change nappies or warm milk bottles. can i??? do i have the right to make him like what i like, wear what i like , study what i like just because biologically he was made from my body cell( egg to be precise)...
And then i meet R from the second floor and i inquire about her job in the times of recession. To my surprise i am informed that she has left that job since her mother feels that she needs to spend some quality time at home learning cooking while they look for a suitable groom for her.. hmmm quite interesting.. i probe further asking if she is happy to do that.. " didn't have a choice didi, you have to listen to your parents . afterall they have given you birth" that might have qualified for an oscar speech in case they incluede a category for best child.. or may be for an audition of a K serial..
at least i have something to look forward to once i finish the nappy chores.. i can think of ways to get my dues for the job :)

the big fat indian wedding

The status on my facebook account gives away the frustration. it asks where do we stand , are we western enough or just caught between times.. Or may be i call it tale of two times..
TWO TIMES..yes of course one is the current times of facebook & blogs, of pubs and pub hopping women toasting for pink chaddi campaigns( that is another story that i also belong to that genre) , of the talks about liberation, gender equality, women empowerment and blah blah... And the other times of our parents and the lound aunt in handloom sari who would write a matrimonial ad for you proclaiming you as fair, homely, convent educated ,decent girl with family values... ahem...
well honestly we, at least this middle generation is walking a tight rope between these two vastly different worlds. Trying to say shut up to mom or aunt can get you emotionally blackmailed( read emotional attyachaar) and choosing to be as described by them in the matrimonial space is like a scary dream.. and around the same time you visit this wedding of your convent educated , sweet, homely decent friend in this five star ballroom full of thousand people commenting on the brides dress or makeup with expensive food in their mouth... horryfying.. isn't it
i am sure a lot of people in my age bracket would connect to this incident and must have encountered one very recently.. so the question remains still... where are we? are we really what we potray or rather i should rephrase this question.. can we be what we potray... can we be truely liberated people we want to be without having to face the emotional or social attyaachar... hmmm... answer depends on your location.. yes funny it may sound but may be a handfull of people from the metros can claim to be able to pull that .. but mostly others would say they want to but haven't been able to...
so despite a convent school, a professional college and great job at multi national we would succumb to the scrutiny by a group of over dressed people commenting on your dress while sipping the soup and adjusting salt.. where baraati's would still be treated with great care and even you otherwise understanding spouce would not find anything odd at his aunt's comment about your choice of footwear... the huge bill will always be footed by your very humble parents and after all the running around of months one would overhear a suit clad uncleji making a final statement" khana to khannaji ke yahan better thaa"
proud to be an indian........